VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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