why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
someone owes me an orgasm
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Couch. On fire.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
