Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
worst night to have a conscience
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
