Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
People in love make me want to vomit
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
