I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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