we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
