This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
