if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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