just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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