VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
