Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
