it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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