I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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