Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
