Screwed.edu
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
