I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
