i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
