I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
