Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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