the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i dont even know how to be here
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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