We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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