Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
