I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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