Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
