I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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