alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
