We named our party play list daddy issues
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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