Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Ketchup is God's man juice
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize