your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
They are going to name an STD after you.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
