We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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