I'm going to jail i love you
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
