Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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