just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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