i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
