God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
