I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
