"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
