did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
