Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
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