I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
