i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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