STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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