At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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