dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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