R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
