I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
