I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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