I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
