How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
