That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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