Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
